She dreamt of Lina

Just before Annika woke up this morning, she said, in an excited voice “She opened her eyes!”. Then “Lina? Lina, where are you?” How many times can my heart break?

I grieve not only for the loss of my children, but for the empty space in our family. When Annika first saw them a few days after they were born, she said “They’re so tiny! They’re so cute!”. It was as though she didn’t even see all the wires and tubes. She never mentioned them.

She got to know Lina much more than Cole, of course. She would exclaim excitedly “She moved her hand! She opened her eyes!”. She wanted to hold Lina and we never let her. We thought we had so much time. Now I wish we had. She held her hand though, and I hope she has those memories. I cry for Annika who will never do the ‘big sister’ things she so wanted to do (like ‘teach her how to walk’). She’ll always be a big sister, but not in the way we dreamed of.


2 Responses to “She dreamt of Lina”

  1. 1 Joyce January 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    Patrice –

    I wish I knew the words to soothe you. I wish you didn’t have to come up with the words to try to explain to Annika where Lina went. Adults can’t understand why this happened or how it happened – how in God’s good earth can you explain it to a child?

    Sending you so many hugs….

  2. 2 Maura January 18, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    I wish you and your family could just wake up from this nightmare. I guess in some way Annika is keeping them alive but it just seems so unfair and I am very sorry.

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About Me

I'm a grieving mom. I have one beautiful daughter, Annika, who's 3 years old now (born 12/28/04). I also had twins, Lina and Cole, on 10/04/07, born at just 26 weeks. We lost Cole after just 23 days due to complications related to his prematurity. Fiesty little Lina overcame so much and just when she was getting ready to come home with us, suddenly had a complication unrelated to her prematurity and passed away on January 11, 2008. This blog is about getting through it. More...

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