feeling hopeful

Yesterday I wrote

OK, I don’t mean for this to be a pity-party

But that wasn’t entirely true. I kind of did want a pity-party. I was feeling very sorry for myself. And I wanted you all to say “There, there, Patrice. It’ll be OK”. And you did. Thanks.

I know it’s not particularly useful to dwell on all the negatives over the past 5 years. But I was feeling so very overwhelmed. I felt almost like I needed to justify my sadness. As in: See? I’m not making this up. And I’m not making a mountain out of a molehill. It really is that bad.

And although I am trying to look at the silver lining when it comes to the layoff, I can’t help but think “Come ON! What more could possibly happen to me?!?” I am afraid to ask that question, however, for fear that the universe will show me what else could happen. Universe, please note: I am NOT asking the question.

Many people have told me that it may be a “blessing in disguise”. This may be true. But I really don’t understand why my blessings feel the need to wear a disguise! I am ready for a blessing in a blessing-suit to knock on my door!

In any case, I am feeling better this morning. I keep thinking about the interviews the other day. As time goes on, of course, I keep disecting and finding things I wish I’d done or said differently. But I still feel like it was a net positive.

And this morning I had a meeting with an executive outplacement service. This is something my company provides as part of the separation package, and I have to say it seems great. I have a counselor/advisor who will help me to figure out my interests/strengths/weaknesses, etc…, tune up my resume, interviewing skills, negotiation skills, and so on. He seems great. They have a ton of on-line and seminar-type support. I tell you, this is the kind of thing I’ve felt like I’ve needed for a long time, quite aside from my current predicament.

Even if the job with my old boss works out (and I hope it does), I feel like this is a valuable chance to help me position myself and set goals for the long term.

So I’m just out of that meeting and feeling hopeful. It feels good.


3 Responses to “feeling hopeful”

  1. 1 Diana March 28, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    Wonderful to hear your voice. Your true voice, not the one bent over from the weight of all the grief. “Blessing in a blessing suit” indeed! Thatagirl!!!

    I hear you, though. Sorry if I said anything insensitive. When I was laid off during the dot-come crash of 2000, I thought my world ended. In truth, it was just beginning. I was able to escape corporate clonedom and strike out to become a successful small business owner, my own graphic design service. All manner of adventure became me, and would not have been available had this come to pass.

    I hope for all manner of wonderful things in wonderful suits for you, just around the corner.

    It sounds as though your company cares for all of their employees, and I’m so glad. It’s a really good package you’re being offered; utilize all of it! Oh, and file for unemployment RIGHT AWAY, the minute you’re let go. You can call; you don’t have to go in anymore.

    I love the hopeful note in your communication. It has me smiling.


  2. 2 Rebecca March 30, 2008 at 9:05 am

    I don’t think there is anything wrong in spending time giving recognition to the tragic events that you have survived in the past few years. You are so right, it really IS an awful lot to happen to one person. I have a book that I am reading called “Broken Open”. I checked it out from the library, but I’m going to see if I can find a copy to send you because it is all about us growing out of the tragedies, rather than the typical American habit of pushing these things that happen to us under the carpet and suppressing our feelings about them.

    You continue to inspire me constantly, and I am filled with admiration that you have the ability to find hope, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and deal with yet another life-altering situation. You are so strong and beautiful!

  3. 3 Feride April 1, 2008 at 7:12 am

    And if you ever need any references, -doubt that, but still- there’re about a dozen people in Istanbul who’d be more than happy to guide your ex-boss 🙂 (By the way, tell him that we all miss him…)

    Patrice’ji, umarim bu yeni is tam istedigin gibi olur ama olmasada onemli degil, sen bize haber ver, hep beraber arariz. Is bulana kadar da Istanbul’da biraz keyif yapariz…


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About Me

I'm a grieving mom. I have one beautiful daughter, Annika, who's 3 years old now (born 12/28/04). I also had twins, Lina and Cole, on 10/04/07, born at just 26 weeks. We lost Cole after just 23 days due to complications related to his prematurity. Fiesty little Lina overcame so much and just when she was getting ready to come home with us, suddenly had a complication unrelated to her prematurity and passed away on January 11, 2008. This blog is about getting through it. More...

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