I’m a grieving mom.

I started a blog (under another name) when my daughter Annika (now 3) was…younger. I don’t remember exactly when, and I’m too lazy to look back. Anyhow, back then, my intention was to make it mostly private. I wanted to write down things she did and said partly so that I wouldn’t forget, and partly to keep my mom up on her antics. I also wanted to keep a record of her language development because I fancy myself a hobby linguist. I thought I might share it with just a few family members and friends, and didn’t ever really expect it to be particularly interesting. I’m not that eloquent… and I certainly don’t have the wit and wisdom of some of the great bloggers out there. Well, short story long, I never really managed to keep that blog up-to-date, and I never even told my mom (or anyone else) about it.

My mom is gone now. She died July 1, 2007. I thought I’d revive the blog after my dear twins, Lina and Cole, were born on October 4, 2007. They were born at 26 weeks and 2 days gestation, and I wanted to have a way to keep family & friends up to date on their progress. Well, despite my best intentions, that didn’t go so well either. I was trying to get the story up-to-date so that I could let people know about it, but after we lost our little boy, Cole, on October 26th, just 23 days old, I couldn’t bring myself to go back to it. Finally, I sent out the address with my Christmas letters and started sharing it with others. I got it up-to-date shortly thereafter. Just in time to post about how well our daughter Lina was doing. Well, that all went to hell after a few days too and we lost our baby girl on January 11, 2008.

Now it’s a blog about my pain, mostly. I’m writing to remember things for myself and to somehow keep the memory of my babies alive. I’m thankful for the family and friends (and strangers) who continue to read, to grieve with me, and to offer their support.

I hope I can get through this.


11 Responses to “About Me”

  1. 1 Arlan Paulson January 13, 2008 at 12:05 am

    Sorry to hear of your losses. May the the Peace of God be with you and with your family. I am the son of Josie Kulseth Paulson and am a cousin to your mother. I received an E- mail from Pauline Kulseth.
    I live in Ossian, Iowa
    Arlan Paulson

  2. 2 Natalie January 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    I am so, so sorry to hear of your losses. I pray the Lord will bless you and your family with peace and understanding that you will one day be united with your little ones. I wish you the strength and courage to go on and live your life with your sweet daughter and husband.
    Love, Natalie

  3. 3 Nicole January 31, 2008 at 11:31 am

    I found you from your comment on Finslippy and just wanted to express my profound sympathy and good wishes to you. You have gone through more than any one person should have to bear in a lifetime, let alone in the span of a few months. I hope that writing this blog will make a difference for you.

  4. 4 gia February 2, 2008 at 11:43 am

    Patrice, thank you so much for being so brave and open and sharing this with everyone. We’re all here for you.

  5. 5 Gokce February 13, 2008 at 5:38 am

    My dear Patrice, lovely mother, beautiful lady;
    I am speechless and with you although I am so far away from you. Nobody wants this but, sometimes we are tested in life to become stronger and braver. I wish I was there with you to support you. You are really very important for me, and I wish God will give the patience.. I love you so much!

  6. 6 Elizabeth Goldstein May 8, 2008 at 10:12 am

    Jesus C*#ist –
    I had a dream about you and Es and Annika LAST NIGHT
    I turned on my computer to find your name in the inbox (your gmail account has been hacked)
    I am not at home and therefore have no hope of finding the last xmas card w/contact info…
    the internet is good for something

    I am floored by your losses. I love you – I’m so so sorry. do you still have my email? or phone# they are the same if I print my phone number here can you delete it after you read it? xxE.

  7. 7 Scott Erb October 15, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Hi Patrice,

    I can’t seem to find your e-mail address? Can you e-mail me. You don’t have to write anything, just let me know what your address is! Thanks!

  8. 8 Bonnie Halpern October 15, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    I decided to take some time today to figure out how to use Linked In I had invitations pending since 2006 and just didn’t understand the whole network. I found your invitation and read your message.

    I am SO SO sorry to find out what you have been going through the past few years. I don’t even know what to say. You are too wonderful a person to have experienced such major losses.

    I am so glad that you have Annika in your life. She must be such a delight and comfort. It sounds as though she has inheritied your keen intelligence and thoughtfulness.

    I have thought of you during the past few years and hoped you were doing well. When I left Citi at the end of 2003, I just didn’t have the heart to say good-bye to anyone. As I look back, I am curious about my behavior. It really was not like me and I do apologize.

    I have been working as a marketing consultant for the past few years – enjoying the flexibility and variety. That has all been going well. Right now I am working on coming up to speed on new media and I am working on a certificate at NYU in digital marketing.

    Please write me at the email address above.

    My thoughts are with you – Bonnie

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  1. 1 Thoughts about blogging « The Cezzar Joint Trackback on February 9, 2008 at 12:24 am

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About Me

I'm a grieving mom. I have one beautiful daughter, Annika, who's 3 years old now (born 12/28/04). I also had twins, Lina and Cole, on 10/04/07, born at just 26 weeks. We lost Cole after just 23 days due to complications related to his prematurity. Fiesty little Lina overcame so much and just when she was getting ready to come home with us, suddenly had a complication unrelated to her prematurity and passed away on January 11, 2008. This blog is about getting through it. More...

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